If DC, Marvel. LoTR & Star Wars Were School Cliques, Who’d Fit In… and Who’d Get Detention?

High school never ends, it just swaps lockers for fandom wars and prom queens for box office winners.

And if you really think about it, DC, Marvel, and Star Wars are basically school cliques living rent free in the same chaotic cafeteria.

So let’s hand out the lunch tables and see who’s eating mystery meat in detention.

DC: The Brooding Theater Kids

DC shows up in all black, quoting Shakespeare in the corner, pretending they’re totally fine that everyone’s ignoring their one man Hamlet audition.

Superman’s the straight A student of the bunch because he is a little “too perfect.”

Batman? He’s in AP Calculus for the challenge but still broods at lunch with his hood up.

The new DCU is like the transfer student… cool potential, fresh fits, but still trying to shake off the rumors about their old school (the Snyderverse). Sometimes edgy, sometimes hopeful… always looking like they’re one musical number away from bursting into “My Chemical Romance.”

Most Likely to: Win Best Costume at Spirit Week.
Least Likely to: Sit with Marvel without a fight.

Marvel: The Popular Kids (Who Are Starting to Peak)

Marvel is the football team and the cheer squad rolled into one… everyone wanted to sit at their table from 2008 to 2019. They had the big pep rallies (Avengers: Endgame), the coolest jackets (Iron Man’s armor), and their cafeteria TikToks always went viral.

But now? They’re showing up to class a little late, forgetting homework, and coasting on their popularity.

Sure, everyone still claps when Spider-Man answers a question, but people are starting to whisper… “Weren’t they more fun a few years ago?”

Most Likely to: Get voted Prom King (but skip prom because of a multiverse crisis).
Least Likely to: Admit they copied their essay from Star Wars’ “chosen one” arc.

Star Wars: The Alumni Who Can’t Leave Campus

Star Wars graduated decades ago but keeps showing up in the parking lot blasting the Imperial March from their rusty car.

They’ll tell you about “the good old days” (the OT), how the prequels were misunderstood art, and why the sequels are “that new principal’s fault.”

They’ve got the most nostalgia, the most merch, and definitely a messy car full of old canon, Legends textbooks, and way too many action figures.

You’ll either love their stories or get trapped listening for hours about why “Han shot first.”

Most Likely to: Show up at reunion dressed as their own action figure.
Least Likely to: Agree on anything students will say.

Lord of the Rings: The Drama Club Overachievers

LOTR is the group that always insists on turning every class project into a 3 hour stage play with elaborate costumes and way too many monologues.

They’ve got their own language notebooks (Elvish homework no one asked for), their lunch table smells faintly of lembas bread, and yes… they will remind you that their trilogy won Oscars.

They’re the golden kids who peaked in the early 2000s but still walk around smug that no reboot, prequel, or spin off has ever truly touched their crown.

The Rings of Power kids try to sit with them, but the old guard tells them “One does not simply join this lunch table.”

Most Likely to: Quote poetry during a dodgeball game.
Least Likely to: Keep a movie under three hours.

The Teachers & Detention Crew

• James Gunn (DC’s cool substitute teacher): Shows up with tattoos, assigns weird but fun projects, and wins over half the class while the other half starts a “Fire Mr. Gunn” petition.

• Kevin Feige (Marvel’s long tenured principal): Runs a tight ship but maybe should’ve retired after the Endgame pep rally.

• Kathleen Kennedy (Star Wars’ dean): Beloved by some, endlessly blamed by others… basically the school authority figure who everyone thinks is out to ruin the vending machines.

• J.R.R. Tolkien (LOTR’s retired legend): The old principal whose portrait still hangs in the hallway, staring down every failed reboot with quiet disappointment.

Detention Regulars:

• The Snyder Cult (writing “#RestoreTheSnyderVerse” 100 times on the chalkboard).

• Morbius (trying to convince everyone “It’s Morbin’ Time” was funny).

• Jar Jar Binks (accidentally setting off the fire alarm).

• Gollum (caught stealing cafeteria fish sticks)

If these fandoms are school cliques, then we’re the kids in the library talking smack about them all while still buying their merch. Because at the end of the day, whether you sit at DC’s moody corner, Marvel’s loud cafeteria table, or Star Wars’ alumni tailgate, or LOTR’s high brow drama club you’re still part of the same wild, messy, occasionally toxic… but always entertaining school of pop culture.

So grab your tray, pick your clique, and let’s see who survives finals week.